Repost from the good old days :)
The hotel business had been slow lately. The economy
sucks and shit rolls downhill. You know how it is. Because of the
failing economy, no one travels unless it’s on the company dime, and as a
result I’d had many endless, boring, toothpick-through-the-eyelid nights.
Until that night.
There I was, minding my own business. I’d settled into watching a cheesy 70’s horror flick (called Suspiria in case you’re interested. Saving you the trouble, it’s awful. Full of gore, horrible acting, and only slightly suspenseful). To maximize the effect, I’d turned off all the lights in the lobby.
Me and my dumbass ideas.
*CLANGCLANG*
Someone was in the parking garage downstairs. EIGHT someone’s, to be exact. I immediately paused my horror film that was full of ghastly 70’s bush and frightening hairstyles, and turned to see what was going on in the security cameras.
The hooligans, the troublemakers, the harbingers of death and destruction, appeared to be stealing my manager’s golf cart.
No time to look up the number to the Sheriff’s Department, dial 911 instead.
911: “What is your emergency?”
K: “There’s someone down there and they’re stealing the golf cart!”
911: “Umm…”
K: (deep breath) “I work at Kate’s Motel. We have covered parking. There is about eight people down there and they’re trying to steal my manager’s golf cart.”
911: “The golf cart?”
K: “YES, THE GOLF CART. THEY ARE STEALING IT RIGHT NOW. I NEED SOMEONE HERE FAST!!”
911: “What do they look like?”
K: “Umm…they have 4 wheels and a steering wheel and a seat. It’s a golf cart.”
911: “No. The people.”
K: “Oh. There’s EIGHT OF THEM. They’re white. Guys and girls. They have on clothes. I’m looking at them through a security camera, so it’s not like I can tell what color their eyes are or anything.”
911: “What are they doing now?”
K: “HOLY CRAP THEY’RE COMING UP THE ELEVATOR I FORGOT TO LOCK IT AND THEY’RE COMING UP TO THE LOBBY AND I DON’T HAVE A GUN HURRY FASTER PLEASE!!!!!”
911: “Someone is on the way.”
click
I went into full panic mode. My whole body started shaking, my blood pressure shot through the roof, I was sweating, and I suddenly felt like throwing up all over the front desk. You know that little panic button that I’ve been itching to push since I started working here? Yeah…I couldn’t have forced myself to move and push the damn thing if I’d even remembered it was there.
I froze.
That’s when the heaven’s opened up and the police pulled into to garage. Like knights in shining armor, they ran up the stairwell (because one of the criminals that was about to show me my Maker had propped the stairwell door open) just as the elevator doors opened and the mass murderers peered out at me from inside.
Popo: “What’s going on?”
K: “They tried to steal the golf cart!!” (pointing at the serial killers)
Childmolesterrapists: “Who, us?!?!? Umm…we’re with Homeland Security. We were just taking a picture of all of us on the golf cart…”
Until that night.
There I was, minding my own business. I’d settled into watching a cheesy 70’s horror flick (called Suspiria in case you’re interested. Saving you the trouble, it’s awful. Full of gore, horrible acting, and only slightly suspenseful). To maximize the effect, I’d turned off all the lights in the lobby.
Me and my dumbass ideas.
*CLANGCLANG*
Someone was in the parking garage downstairs. EIGHT someone’s, to be exact. I immediately paused my horror film that was full of ghastly 70’s bush and frightening hairstyles, and turned to see what was going on in the security cameras.
The hooligans, the troublemakers, the harbingers of death and destruction, appeared to be stealing my manager’s golf cart.
No time to look up the number to the Sheriff’s Department, dial 911 instead.
911: “What is your emergency?”
K: “There’s someone down there and they’re stealing the golf cart!”
911: “Umm…”
K: (deep breath) “I work at Kate’s Motel. We have covered parking. There is about eight people down there and they’re trying to steal my manager’s golf cart.”
911: “The golf cart?”
K: “YES, THE GOLF CART. THEY ARE STEALING IT RIGHT NOW. I NEED SOMEONE HERE FAST!!”
911: “What do they look like?”
K: “Umm…they have 4 wheels and a steering wheel and a seat. It’s a golf cart.”
911: “No. The people.”
K: “Oh. There’s EIGHT OF THEM. They’re white. Guys and girls. They have on clothes. I’m looking at them through a security camera, so it’s not like I can tell what color their eyes are or anything.”
911: “What are they doing now?”
K: “HOLY CRAP THEY’RE COMING UP THE ELEVATOR I FORGOT TO LOCK IT AND THEY’RE COMING UP TO THE LOBBY AND I DON’T HAVE A GUN HURRY FASTER PLEASE!!!!!”
911: “Someone is on the way.”
click
I went into full panic mode. My whole body started shaking, my blood pressure shot through the roof, I was sweating, and I suddenly felt like throwing up all over the front desk. You know that little panic button that I’ve been itching to push since I started working here? Yeah…I couldn’t have forced myself to move and push the damn thing if I’d even remembered it was there.
I froze.
That’s when the heaven’s opened up and the police pulled into to garage. Like knights in shining armor, they ran up the stairwell (because one of the criminals that was about to show me my Maker had propped the stairwell door open) just as the elevator doors opened and the mass murderers peered out at me from inside.
Popo: “What’s going on?”
K: “They tried to steal the golf cart!!” (pointing at the serial killers)
Childmolesterrapists: “Who, us?!?!? Umm…we’re with Homeland Security. We were just taking a picture of all of us on the golf cart…”
Oops.
My bad.
They really were with Homeland Security. I forgot they had checked in earlier...
OMG!! I laughed out loud literally and woke up Braedan! Please write more i love them! I Miss you and all of our antics!
ReplyDeleteHomeland Security employees child mollesting rapist on a regular basis.....TSA
ReplyDeleteI had no idea. You're telling me that every few weeks or so, someone in the human resources department makes a conscious decision to hire a convicted rapist over someone with a slight education?
Delete