Ishould start a dating profile for shits and giggles. And any messages that I get will get this automatic reply. Should be interesting to see if it actuallygets filled out and sent back.
1. Do you have any ex-wives? Are any of them candidates for a mentalinstitution?
2. At Thanksgiving, do you eat dressing orstuffing? Along these same lines, do you drink soda orpop?
3. Are you going to try to fill me full ofbullshit, only to drain me dry before it's over?
4. Are you lactose intolerant?
5. Are any of your ex-girlfriends strippers?
6. Do you know when to shut your trap?
7. Do you squeeze the toothpaste from thebottom of the tube or from the middle? If you squeeze the toothpastedirectly into your mouth, foregoing the toothbrush altogether, then pleasedisregard this questionnaire completely. You fail.
8. Are you addicted to porn? Like, need-to-be-in-a-support-group addicted?
9. How many other people can you be in lovewith at the same time?
10. Do you understand that my love of shoes isnot only a fetish, it's a lifestyle?
11. Do you frequently feel an urge to takethings apart, knowing that you can't put them back together correctly?
12. When you get drunk, should I believeanything you say?
13. Do you take prescriptionpainkillers? Are they prescribed to you by a real doctor?
14. How many car accidents have you beeninvolved in? How many were your fault?
15. If you ever hit me, are you prepared to bemade my bitch?
16. If I were sick in the middle of the night,would you get up and go get me medicine, even though you had to be at work at6am?
17. Would you consider yourself average, orare we talking extra belly-buttons here? (Cause you jokers know thatsize really does matter)
18. Can you really do everything you say youcan on the phone, or are you just full of shit?
19. What do you drive?
20. Do you really love kids, or are you stillfull of shit?
21. Are you a homophobe or even slightlyracist?
22. Do you believe that it's all about theamount of money that you make?
23. Can you sing?
24. Do you close the bathroom door when youtake a shit?
25. Are you OCD about dishes being left in thesink overnight?
26. Have you ever in your LIFE had even theslightest urge to do needlepoint?
27. Ex’s. Did you get your closure, or shouldI give you a few minutes?
28. What is the very first thing you purchaseon pay day?
29. Do you know who Ayn Rand is?
30. Do you understand that it’s not justpolite to get me a gift on my birthday and at Christmas, it’s required?
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The sad thing is, 90% of these aredealbreakers. The other 10% are close tobeing dealbreakers. I seem to havebecome slightly jaded in my time.
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Do you know the purpose of the space bar?
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